were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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