Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Randomize
