Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize