I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
