he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
