Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
