ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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