So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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