At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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