oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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