Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it's great music for shaving your balls
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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