Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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