i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
