I want to walk on stilts...naked
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize