How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
