In America we eat man semen.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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