I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
