yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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