Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
