I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
