like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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