You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
