i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
