Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
