How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
