Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
