well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
