whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
