WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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