I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
