I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
