oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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