We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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