Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
