I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
