she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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