Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
