I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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