also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.