How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...