that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
