im drinking this country out of the recession.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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