I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
