the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
