Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
