Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
