I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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