I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
