Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You work out of a Hotel?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
