dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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