the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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