she woke up with a sticky ear
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
