There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
