are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
