I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
