Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
