I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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