Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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