Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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