I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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