You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
