My underwear smells like fireworks.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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