God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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