when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
