And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
