he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
