Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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