My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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